literature

Red Plastic Bag

Deviation Actions

monstroooo's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

It's been two long years since I said goodbye,
Two years since the morning phone made me cry.
But today we'll meet again, dearest Dad,
When I pick you up in a red plastic bag.

The fault is mine, my excuses many;
I've blamed work, or love, or lack of penny.
But now I've the courage to see you, Dad:
I'll come pick you up in a red plastic bag.

I knocked on the door, rang the doorbell twice,
Alone, lost, I waited without advice
Until, without ceremonial drag,
A man came with you in a red plastic bag.

He took my name, I signed on the line:
Then he released you, after all this time.
There was no trumpet, and no mournful flag
When I picked you up in that red plastic bag.

And with that it's done, your life resolved:
I'm through with you now, conscience absolved.
I return to my own, though it may be drab,
'Till I'm collected in a red plastic bag.
A true story.

Discussion for :iconthewrittenrevolution:

I think that this is one of the best and most complete things I've written. But I worry about the flow - some lines don't track particularly well. Can you identify any lines which don't flow; you had to read twice; or which are too clumsy? I can name a couple, but I wonder if they're really detrimental to the poem.

I also wonder at the tone. I think that ryhming couplets give a lightness, a wryness, a certain dry humour to the whole thing. Do you see this too? I wasn't really aiming for it from the outset, it just evolved and I really like it. What do you make of the overall tone? Do you find it to be happy, or sad, or even thoughtful?

Really interested in reaction to this. Thanks.
© 2010 - 2024 monstroooo
Comments20
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PursuingTheCerberus's avatar
WOW.

I must confess from the title I had no idea the poem was going to go this direction.

Very powerful poem. Really puts our impermanence in the forefront. The guilt that our narrator feels hits something very personal for me concerning my grandfather who passed away suddenly of a heart attack. I hadn't seen him in four months because I was too busy working, socializing, etc.

I like the repetition of the "red plastic bag" at the end of each stanza. Normally, I don't enjoy rhyming poetry at all. They usually feel trite and forced, with great sacrifice in content due to the rhyme pattern. You've done just the opposite. The words feel carefully chosen, the rhymes natural. I think they do add a "lightness" to the heavy subject matter very successfully.

"He took my name, I signed on the line:
Then he released you, after all this time.
There was no trumpet, and no mournful flag
When I picked you up in that red plastic bag."

^^ My favorite stanza. WOW. Some lives are celebrated by few, others by none while others are celebrated by the world.

Thank you for sharing such a personal piece.